Sometimes it hurts

I was watching a commercial today. A mother's day commercial for mom's that have children with sick kids. Ultimately it was made to reflect the pain that mother's go through caring for children with cancer. There were tears and depression, a mom screaming in her car. I could so relate to all of this. I try very hard to not show type one in a negative light, but to always show the perseverance and strength that can come from it instead. This commercial spoke to me though. I wanted to share it with the world to show the pain and sadness that we go through while putting on a brave face for the rest of the world to see.
The first year was so hard for me, I almost thought I would never feel real joy again. Slowly I came around, but the sadness is still there. The tears are still there.
The other night I was changing Emily's pod, when the cannula was inserted she screamed out in pain. I held her as she cried her eyes out. I felt helpless and guilty. These are the moments the world never sees. These are the moments that chip away at my soul and break my heart. How can I ever share something like this to the world? How can I not? I want people to sometimes see the hurt our kids go through. Their strength and bravery as they endure this day after day, year after year. This is real. This is our ultimate reality. Then just as fast as the pain hit, it was gone, and our lives went back to normal.
So cry, scream, go ahead you're allowed. This new normal is anything but that. Get it out. Then just like the pain from that cannula or shot or Dexcom insertion, the pain will be gone and life will return and so will you.


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