The Search for Compassion. Job Hunting.

So it happened. I was laid off from a job I have been with for almost 6 years. A job that allowed and understood the need for me to take care of my daughter. So here I am looking for another job that will allow me to do the same.
Right now it feels impossible. How do explain to a potential employer that you are going to be a dedicated employee but you need to watch over your child at the same time? Most places won't allow cell phones by your side. Most jobs don't care that I have a special circumstance. Honestly I feel lost.

I had one interview that I was fully honest about my situation. I have a child with Type one. I need to watch her via my cell phone as she is completely unable to make any decisions herself and is unaware of what to do. I need to be able to reach out to the school nurse/ FASA if necessary. Yet I am still able to be a productive employee.
Yeah....I never got the job. In fact I got a instant reply of "we've decided to go with someone else."

I s…

Thinking Back

My parents were just here visiting and it made me sit back and think about life as a kid.

I am a product of the early 70's. My folks didn't have a lot of money. We ate what mom cooked and if you didn't like it or were picky you ate it anyway. There was no second choice. Vegetables were canned and the meat in your casserole was spam.
We drank milk and soda....oh man did we drink soda! And kool aid, must not forget the buckets of cheap colorful sugar water we downed by the gallons. Which totally explains all my cavities as a kid.

Our parents did not play with us unless it was board/card game night. We entertained ourselves with play kitchens, records and our imagination. We went over to others kids houses and played in our own neighborhoods until dark and the porch lights came on. We caught fireflies in jars and climbed trees.

We rode in the back of trucks and cars without seat belts. I even rode on my moms lap in the front seat.
We watched a black and white TV and did NOT c…

A Quick Word about Fiasp

When the endo told us about this new amazing insulin that was going to come out over 6 months ago, we were really excited. We are told so many things about how the newest devices and insulin are going to be SOO amazing that I'll admit, I was kinda skeptical. The endo handed us a free sample a little over a month ago and I am very happy to say that I absolutely LOVE this new insulin!

We have been using it in Emily's pump now for about a month. The first thing I did was dial all her settings back. WAaaay back. I was scared that just a tiny bit would have her bg plummeting. I was wrong. I know several people so far that have been using Fiasp. Some hate it some love it. Here is what we have experienced so far......(your diabetes may vary)

I have always tried to pre bolus for Emily's meals. I'll admit I'm not always good at it. Mostly because when she wants to eat, the food starts going in the mouth much faster then me and my trusty Ping remote. I'm lucky if I can c…

Just a Small Token of Appreciation

Every year I make a video as a thank you of sorts to JDRF. I think about all the good that has come from Emily being diagnosed. Sounds strange but it's true. I really didn't have but a couple friends here. Neither did Emily. Once she was diagnosed I reached out to JDRF for help. I met a ton of parents and people who not only understood exactly how I was feeling but accepted us as apart of their own family.

Emily became a Youth Ambassador and after a few years I became a volunteer mentor to newly diagnosed families. It has given us not only purpose but a community. I am so grateful for that.

So if making a little video once a year helps to raise a little money to fund technology, research, and maybe, just maybe that one thing we all so desperately are hoping for....a cure. Then I'm glad I could help.

The Rise of the D Mom

When you're a mom you are called many things, mommy, mama, mom, mother. When your child is diagnosed with type one diabetes you are called a D mom. It makes it easy to refer to others as "D mom" too. I used to think that was weird at first, but now I wear it with pride. No mom wants to be a "D mom", but here we are. A new world of type one and new and foreign words are now a part of your daily vocabulary. What does it mean to be a D mom exactly?

To be a D mom you need to be strong, determined, and packed with enough empathy to run over a mack truck. You must remain unfazed when you inject your screaming or wiggly child with a needle over and over....and over again. You cannot freak out over the site of blood and you must posses a poker face to things like your child asking why they have to be different and not like everyone else. You wear your heart on your sleeve but if you fall apart so will your child.

To be a D mom you must be able to function as if you are…

The Land of What Ifs

It happened today, Emily's Dexcom receiver and phone blanked out while she was at summer care. She had just asked for a snack, she was 78 and I had her bolus knowing she would be eating. I was unsure of this decision but figured her numbers would reappear on my phone any minute. After 10 minutes when the numbers didn't appear I started to panic. Was she going down when I gave her the bolus? What if right now she was going down then the insulin I gave her will bring her down even more? It already started. The what ifs took over and I sank into that dark place that no D parent lets themselves go.
I'll admit that I had a very long grieving period once Emily was diagnosed. I couldn't get past the sadness. It has been awhile since I felt dark feelings but in in this moment it was all I was feeling.
10 more minutes went by and the fear and panic enveloped me. I began bawling in the middle of work. Once I started I couldn't stop. I cried for all the times I didn't. I …

What Brings Me Down

This topic sadly is easy for me. Ever since the day Emily was diagnosed I have been struggling. Yes it has gotten better but inside I feel like a mess. I have come to realize that I am deeply affected by the numbers I see on the Dexcom. Example, when Emily's numbers are in range I feel happy and relaxed. The moment they go out of range I am anxious and annoyed. When they are low I feel afraid. I cannot relax not even for a second. When her numbers are high I am mad, especially if I caused it by over correcting a low. Guilt consumes me as I think "I can't believe I let this happen!"

When she has site changes or Dex changes my heart races and I am filled with dread. "Will it hurt her this time?" "Will she cry and scream?" I have no way of knowing what reaction is going to come, and when it is bad guilt consumes me. I know I have to hurt her to take care of her whether it be a simple finger prick or a device change and that feeling just plain sucks. …